Wednesday, January 15, 2014

(Yes, I'm Back) Ode to a Flooded Basement

(Yes indeed, I'm back, we'll call this "coming full circle." I'll tell you more later, but first, a poem.)

I don't know what you do when your basement floods but I write a poem. Unfortunately my poetic inspiration is limited to Shel Silverstein and Dr. Seuss. Anyway, without further adieu I give you:

Ode to a Flooded Basement

One warm and misty morn I woke
And much to my surprise,
Upon my morning rounds I saw
The tide’s begun to rise.

“Are you beside the shore?” You ask
“Down beside the Sea?”
“Why no” I answer for alas,
The tide has come to me.

For down upon my basement steps
This morning I did tread,
Where I surveyed the dampened room
Which filled my heart with dread

For long ago a silly man
Whose motives aren’t quite clear,
Believed he should assign himself
The role of engineer.

And looking down upon the pit
Designed for the foundation,
He had the rather clever thought
Which needed exploration.

Sure it was a cellar
But its purpose could be dual,
For where most could see a cellar
He could see a swimming pool!

“I can see it now!” he then exclaimed
And then he made the statement,
“We have only but to drain
The water INTO the basement!

The people who will buy this house
Will surely be delighted
To have a springtime swimming pool
For friends to be invited!”

No one on the job site dared
To offer up dissension,
Because this man was just so pleased
With his clever new invention.

“Everyone will want one!
This is sure to be a hit!
I’ll call it ‘The Cellar Swimming Pool’
I’ll need to patent it.”

And thus it was our house became
The prototype du jour,
As he would install four more drains
Which ended in the floor.

Now every wet and soggy day
As the room begins to flood
We’d like to have him for a swim
And drown the stupid dud.

Well, we don't really want to drown him. Just make him stand there in bare feet for a while.
Happy Hump Day to all! May your basements, if you have them, be dry.


  1. This would be a big hit in the sump pump aisle of Home Depot! Great poem!

  2. Nice one! You are a talented poet. Do you know the source of the leak? It’s probably due to soil settling, which directs water into the basement. You can try adding gutters or placing downspout extensions to keep the water away from the foundation, as this can weaken your house’s structure.

    John Spessard

    1. Thank you! Yeah, the source of the leak is that the sump well literally has four drains in it which are draining into the house. Our side yard is soggy and when there's a lot of rain or a quick thaw (and if the sump pump is also out of commission, which happens every now and then) the sump well fills right up and floods. It is the most bizarre design I have ever seen. I think gutters will help but I suspect that the only way to truly fix it is to rip out the floor, rip out the drains, fill it all back in and put a new French drain around the foundation, which is not going to happen anytime soon! Ugh, it's impressively weird.

  3. Every home emergency should be so blessed to have an ode written to it.

  4. Every home emergency should be so blessed to have an ode written to it.


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